


Unnatural

by floweranza



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-20
Updated: 2011-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-26 08:33:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floweranza/pseuds/floweranza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't feel human at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unnatural

**Author's Note:**

> Um. DEEP.

Conner can never stop himself from becoming angry.

Everyone soothes him and tells him that it'll go away, to not mind Superman being a jerk, that things get better when the welt has had time to heal. They don't _get_ it, though, no one gets at all that it's not all about Superman. It's like there's something fundamentally missing in him that they all seem to have. They know when things aren't a big deal, they know when something's a joke. They know when to stop being mad. And it's not like Conner's lacking on morality, because he's not about to go around killing people for the hell of it -- he doesn't want to do that -- but he doesn't feel human. He doesn't feel human at all.

Even the name feels like something tagged on as an aftermath. He feels like a half-boiled egg, cracked open too soon and incomplete.

Black Canary seems to understand more than anyone. He likes and respects her, but she's still human. She can't understand a creature like him, although she tries. But she's wrong about anger controlling him. It's just that it's the only emotion that's easy to express.

Conner tries to teach himself. He likes observing nature more than people - civilians are even more remote than his teammates. They move in zig-zags and do and say things he can't predict, they harm each other although they're complete in ways Conner isn't, and he doesn't get why. Shouldn't they be more grateful, more careful with what they have? Cadmus put images and knowledge of war into his head, but beyond all the various justifications it doesn't make sense. It's the icing on the cake, he thinks, that he can't even be a good weapon.

Nature, though, nature is easier to understand. Static on the TV screen - every single dot - everything has a place, a purpose. A place in a greater harmony and all the _sensations_ , so much better than only images in his head.

The sharpness of the blades of grass in a field, the vivid hue of a sunset, the crunch of earth under his feet. It makes him feel like he understands, for a while, what it means to live and breathe and have a pumping heart.

He sneaks out of the mountain on rainy nights and heads up high. Conner loves the sharp scent of ozone, the _drip-drip_ of water from his hair, the chill of water soaking his clothes. His senses are good enough that he can see each droplet on its own, falling in tandem with the others, perfectly formed, perfectly performing a duty, perfect in a way he's not.

Conner wonders what it would take.


End file.
